Tuesday, 4 May 2010

P, LM.

I know this'll sound like a recurring, self-pitying tune but I haven't actually felt this way in over a year. I'm not exactly sure whether what I'm about to explain is me, or other people.

I always try to be nice to people but I'm kind of tired of it, it reminds me of my aunt and I've seen that woman once in 10 years just because if you're so nice to her, she literally has a way of just making you her bitch. I think that's what [he] was trying to imply in his silence today, he let me do the talking and reflection in one go - that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, even if it's 98% niceness and 2% harsh.

We're all born in this world alone, sometimes we have to deal with it alone...I'm sure as hell used to dealing with all my shit single handedly - I can't even remember the last real problem I went to a friend for help, even when my mother slapped and shoved the shit out of me for no reason at all. Granted, a lot of the time people don't actually ask, neither do I, I just think it's what people do - give it when you see someone needs it. I guess he was trying to ask me if it was always balanced, instead of defending people, the answer is probably, no, it's not. I don't know where I'm going with this or why I started writing it, it's just nice to feel like someone would go out of their way for you, to know that you're alright and I just don't. I don't actually feel like I have anyone in my life like that.

Pretty sad, huh?

No wonder why I can feel so lonely at times, even if it has been a while.

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