Tuesday, 16 March 2010


Well I'm back to blogging here, fleeing the popularity of livejournal! No, not really. I just needed a space for my own thoughts to share with people I trust. I like blogging but I did want to escape certain people and their judgements on my life.

What I can say is that in my time away from blogspot, I've changed, a lot. That shitty music blog I did? I hate half of those bands now, ok, maybe all of them. I've not just changed musically though. People have changed me as a person. I thought I knew who I was but now I've seen things in myself which I'm not so sure about. Things that only I have come to notice in my own reflection. I think we always have more to learn about ourselves and we never truly know who we are until we've experienced everything and anything possible - which is sort of impossible to be honest.

What I do know is, I'm strong. I cope in the worst and best situations. I love that about myself. I'm still amused by everything, I'm mostly smiling, I laugh a lot, I see the world in ways I'm not quite sure others do (I don't say that arrogantly either). I'm moody, sometimes introverted (much to the annoyance of others)and I guess I'm still as cutting as ever when people hurt me but that's just a defense mechanism. I can't really explain who I was and who I am now. I just know I've got more love, and serenity in my heart than I did before. I'm different, sort of like a pair of new jeans that've been customised. How can you compare them to new ones you've just bought?

I'm 19 and the last two years have taught me the world isn't fun. You can make it fun though. I call on anyone who sees me as younger than my years to check up on me in 30 years time - I'll still be the same and I think, if I'm still alive, I'll be somewhat happier than the average indifferent person. Teachers should keep that connection with childhood. It's not because I'm immature, because I'm not - I could hold a conversation with anyone of any age, it's just I find that if you're too serious when you don't have to be, you spend your life in the constraints of the expectations from society; everyone wants you to be so serious all the time and fair play if it is needed but when it isn't, well, in the end, that's what'll kill you.

I won't lie, I'm not always happy, that's what people don't always see about me, people might be fooled because I wear a smile all the time, sometimes it's just to mask things. I don't always like to share what I'm thinking with people and I guess its hard for some people to understand. I don't think I'm unhappy either, I think I think too much and I'm beginning to attempt to answer questions that I have that I shouldn't answer for my own good.

I've missed blogging so honestly and openly. It's sort of refreshing. Even if it is just a whole blog post about me and my personality. I just find it fascinating writing about it though because as I thought about every aspect, I started to pinpoint what or who made me a certain way. Those things are important to remember.

So that's me, who I sort of am now and such. I currently have the flu and I'm just surviving university deadlines. I don't even know how. I think it'd be a good idea for me to hit the hay for my own good! I hope to blog again soon

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